I want to hold your hand and I want to hold your hips down while you’re writhing.
I want to make your eyes light up and I want to make them roll in the back of your head.
I want to be your reason to wake up and your reason to stay in bed.
I want to kiss your wounds and I want you to leave them on my back.
I want to play with your hair while you sleep and I want to feel it between my fingers while you are on top of me.
I want to memorize the repetition of your breathing and I want to memorize the sporadics of your moaning.
I want to see the arch in your grin and I want to feel the arch in your back before you collapse.
I want to go out to dinner with you and I want to go down on you.
I want to to feel you in my heart and I want to feel you inside me.
I want to make you laugh and I want to make you scream.
I want to still be able to taste you in the morning.
I want you in every form."
On being eighteen
I realize this is the oldest I’ll ever be
and the youngest I’ll ever be again.
That pain, it’s a temporary thing
just like success, it’s a temporary thing
-this is living without a goal like heaven.
I count backwards and see pain;
wrists left forgiven, a mind stuck at the hospital,
nurses telling me to get over it
but to rate my pain. I’ll say 0 with a look of 10 billion,
as the machinery of my thoughts churn backwards and backwards.
I see sunken ships that were destined for
circumnavigation, you said forever,
I never knew forever was bound
I see airplanes lost
never found, You promised you’d never give up,
but you’re kissing him, you are somewhere lost,
and you — well you did your best.
"Where is my happy ending?"
I said at sixteen, watching the neighbor
take prom pictures with her boyfriend
while I cried at the windowsill
waiting for someone to take my pictures
as she texted me, “We’re done.”
These boats, they beat ceaselessly,
But I also see a family of adopted brothers and sisters
a bed to feel safe in, a tomorrow to look forward to,
a yesterday to learn from, and a today to worry about.
Boats beat on, and on,
I may bleed, but I bleed,
even after being knocked down.
That’s the thing about life,
you must yourself a reason
to keep going.